The 5 Biggest Mistakes I Made During My Divorce
Updated: May 2
I did a lot of things right when I was getting divorced...but I made a lot of mistakes, too. Here are my top 5 biggest blunders:
1. Assuming mediation is the way to go. Mediation is NOT always the best option. It may seem less expensive, but it could result in an unfair settlement, which is much costlier in the long-run. In my case, mediation was a losing battle and I needed to lawyer-up anyway.
2. Waiting in agony to speak the truth about my marriage to trusted family and friends, thinking it was weak to ask for help. I was embarrassed.
3. Not being in a place of neutrality when talking to my kids about the divorce. I could have been more conscious to only answer their questions without offering more.
4. Letting the holiday/birthday calendar dictate the divorce timing. I waited it out through the holidays for the sake of the kids and because I didn’t want to ruin the celebrations.
5. Over-sharing. Constant venting to the same few trusted friends was exhausting for them. I eventually sounded like a broken record. They got tired of listening long before I was ready to stop taking about it. I really needed a neutral third party for support - a coach, therapist or counselor. I eventually found all of those but, sooner would have saved both me and my friends a lot of frustration.
I did a little research for you about other common mistakes. Here are a few more:
1. Forgetting to update wills, beneficiary information and other estate documents
2. Picking fights. You have to choose your battles to win the war.
3. Intentionally increasing debt...it will come back to haunt you
4. Settling for the first draft of a divorce agreement just to get it over with
5. Trying to get emotional support from your divorce attorney. They are not therapists, coaches or financial planners and they charge more than twice as much. A divorce lawyer will not take care of everything for you.
6. Expecting that your post-divorce lifestyle will be the same as your married lifestyle. Although this is possible in time, and it is a fantastic goal…you have to plan to cut back in the beginning.
7. Recklessly remarrying
By Rebecca Wolf
Divorce Recovery Coach
Certified Life Coach
Founder of Her Divorce Project