SOS: 5 STEPS to take IMMEDIATELY when your spouse leaves you...
Updated: May 2
Your head is probably spinning, your heart is breaking...it literally aches...maybe you just threw up. You can’t stop crying, you can’t sleep, you can’t eat. You don’t know what is going to happen next. I’ve been there and I know the pain you are feeling. I want you to expect the best and plan for the worst.
Please do this:
Breathe…walk around until you can breathe….focus on counting 5 breaths. When you can do that…go to the next step
Do NOT send them a text or an email or call right now. It is OK to write or type how you are feeling. In fact, that is really good thing to do right now. It is OK to write an angry letter or an apologetic letter or whatever kind of letter you are feeling in your heart just…DO NOT SEND!!
Close ALL joint accounts (banking and credit cards) ASAP. If you do not already, you will need to have your own checking account and your own credit card.
Tell someone what is going on. Ideally, this person is a trusted, empathetic family member or friend (who is not also a friend of your spouse). If you do not have a close friend or family member, reach out to a local support group, an online support group, an online counselor, (try BetterHelp or TalkSpace), a therapist, or a divorce coach.
Do not beg or bargain and do not have sex with them. You are going to need to focus on yourself for the time being. Do not expect any answers and don’t try to figure out why this is happening.
You will need to repeat some of these steps over and over. It’s OK. You probably won’t believe me right now…but it’s going to be alright. You are going to get through this. You are stronger and braver than you know. A year from now, you are going to remember this moment…you are going to remember reading this…and you are going to say…yep, she was right.
By Rebecca Wolf
Divorce Recovery Coach
Certified Life Coach
Founder of Her Divorce Project