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5 WORST Pieces of Divorce Advice

Updated: 3 days ago

When you're getting divorced, everyone has an opinion and often they don't mind sharing it (whether you want to hear it or not.).

But, all divorces are different. There are so many factors. What works in one situation doesn't work at all in another.

Here's the WORST of the bad advice

1. You save a lot of money if you use mediation instead of hiring a lawyer.

While the cost of mediation is likely less upfront, the long-term effects of an unfair settlement could cost much more down the road than the initial savings. For a successful mediation, divorcing spouses must be prepared to compromise and negotiate. They must have empathy for each other and their children. There is an element of trust that must exist. Both spouses must have a fair settlement in mind and not try to manipulate each other or withhold information.

If you decide on mediation, or it is required by your state, it's recommended that all documentation be reviewed by a lawyer (independent of the mediator.). If you have a spouse with narcissistic tendencies, protect yourself. Click here to read Finding a Good Divorce Lawyer: Quick Start Guide

What you can do: Think about your current relationship with your spouse, the likelihood of a fair settlement, and the long term effects of an unfair one.

[Note: Some US states require mediation prior to litigation.]

2. Stay together for the kids.

There is nothing wrong with trying to work things out when both spouses engage and prioritize the marriage. But, when abuse and trauma create a toxic home environment, there’s no question that a divorce is best for everyone. There are many reasons to try to work things out…but if the only reason is fear for the kids’ wellbeing, weigh the risks of continuous exposure to tension, fighting, and discontent….and remember that kids are resilient.

What you can do: Make a list of personal divorce pros/cons. What themes do you see?

3. Keep/sell the house.

This decision is not one-size-fits all. Because it’s so fraught with emotion, it can be hard to be objective and to evaluate all the aspects of keeping/selling what’s likely your biggest financial asset. You want to make the best possible decision for you, your children, and your future. Remember that lawyers are not financial advisors and are not necessarily equipped to help you make a sound decision for the future. Family members and friends mean well, but unless they are qualified, this is not the best option either. Consult with a financial planner, or better yet, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA). Sometimes a consultation is free and peace of mind around this decision is priceless. Whatever the best option is for you, the choice will have long lasting effects.

What you can do: If you can't consult with a financial planner, consider getting pre-approved for a mortgage so you'll know the numbers. Project the bills associated with keeping a house. Realistically, will it work financially? Click here to read Quick Start Guide: Divorce Finances

4. Don't talk about it ...don't air your “dirty laundry”.

When I was getting divorced, I didn’t want anyone to know. I was embarrassed...and I was struggling I thought it was my fault. I waited…and felt more and more alone as the days passed. So many of my clients felt the same way.

BUT...about half of marriages end in divorce. There's no aren't a failure. Try to remember…you’re not alone. When you open-up to trusted friends, family, or divorce professionals, they can support and help you. (If they're the ones giving unsolicited and/or bad advice, protect yourself with some healthy boundaries.)

The divorce journey is not one to be traveled alone. People who have aa good support network during and after divorce fare much better than those who are going it alone.

What you can do: Reach out for help. Build your support network. Ideally your team includes: your lawyer, your financial advisor, and your coach and/or therapist. Click here to read Why You Need a Divorce Coach.

It can be difficult to ignore unsolicited advice. It can also be hard to find guidance you can trust. Consider the source information. Let your support network help you figure out what is going to work for you (now and in the future), make your plan, and focus on your unique divorce journey. Safe travels!

CLICK HERE to schedule a free Divorce Coaching Intro Session with Rebecca


Rebecca Wolf

Divorce Coach

Certified Life Coach

Founder of Her Divorce Project and The Divorce Project

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