The Worst Divorce Advice (and the best)

...and why you may not be healing

Do you still need to forgive them before you can move on in your journey?

I’m sure you’ve heard it…probably a lot: "You can't move on until you've forgiven your ex."

But do you think it’s true? Is it a fact? Did the tell you that everything was your fault, so now you think you should apologize and forgive?

It's the worst advice, and so many people get stuck in guilt and shame because they aren’t feeling forgiving, they don't think they ever can, they don't want to, and even if they did...they don't know how.

But…

How do you forgive someone for lies or infidelity?

How do you forgive abuse?

Where do you start?

Why should you forgive when it makes them seem blameless?

I used to think the reason I wasn’t “getting over” my divorce was that I didn’t know how to forgive.

I used to beat myself up thinking that I actually was the horrible, evil, resentful person my ex said I was.

I thought I’d never heal because I couldn’t let go of all the awful things he’d said and done and just… forgive him.

Have you been trying to forgive your ex?  

Please stop (at least for right now).  You’ve been through enough.

You are creating an impossible expectation of yourself that is actually preventing you from healing. It is keeping you stuck.

Here’s the best divorce advice and something you can actually do:

Make acceptance your goal.  Focus on accepting your life and your feelings just as they are, right now. There is so much freedom in acceptance. You deserve to free yourself from all the guilt you are carrying.

Forgiving them is not a requirement for healing. You are not a horrible, resentful person. Look for peace and acceptance…and, one day, forgiveness may come (or not.)  It’s OK.

If you're struggling to forgive, and want to get rid of the guilt and move on, I invite you to explore coaching...click here for DIVORCE COACHING