5 Pearls of Divorce Wisdom for a Nonagenarian

Dad explains his formula for surviving divorce (and life)

In loving memory (1925-2024)

Dad was 90-years-old when the "bomb" dropped on my marriage. I felt like I was losing my mind (and so many other things).

My father was my rock. He was divorced in the 1950s after a 13-year marriage...blindsided, much like I was.

Through my seemingly ceaseless tears of those early days, we had a conversation of sorts (It was very one-sided):

Me: How did you survive this pain? 

Dad:

Time and Talk: Time heals, but not on its own. Taking time to talk with safe, supportive people is necessary to process. (This is not what I wanted to hear at that moment but, looking back…this is the absolute truth.)

Take the high road: Don’t feed the monster of hate of anger. DO feel all those painful feelings, let the emotions wash over you but…do your best to act in constructive and rational ways. Forgive yourself if this doesn’t always happen. You will be proud of yourself later.

Exercise: Move your body. Your body produces feel-good endorphins when you do. Movement helps your brain focus on something besides the divorce.

Talk to yourself: Repeat every morning: “I am strong. I am getting better and better every day in every way.” This is really what he said!! He gave me a mantra and affirmations. He didn’t call it that, but that’s exactly what it is. 

Go outdoors: Just leave your 4 walls for a moment (or longer if you can). Breathe the fresh air. Envision yourself as one small point on the huge Earth. Imagine that there are many other small points who feel like you do, who just stepped outside for a moment. Remember that you are not alone.

In his lifetime, he survived not only a devastating betrayal and divorce, but WWII, the loss of his mother when he wasn't even an adult, serious illness, hiking the Grand Canyon, a distinguished but often brutal career in public health, and the trials and tribulations of living for 9 centuries. I knew that if he could do it, I could, too. So can you.

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